I was writing this article and thinking about all the situations when I wanted to run away from the never-ceasing talkers.
How do you like these comments on your hairstyle, moaning about what a jerk his neighbor is, or enumerating all the TV shows he’s seen this week? Or even worse, some guys are trying to make me read books I’m not interested in. Throughout the article, you will find some of the examples of the least successful dialogues.
If you are wondering whether I feel guilty about ghosting after such dates, I say NO. Nevertheless, should we explain to someone why we don’t want to see them anymore? Does it make any sense to explain the reason for my decision if he is indifferent to my feelings for him?
We often give people unasked-for advice, tell the sad truth, and offer our help to those who don’t really need it. Thus, we do a lot of uninvited things. We simply believe that we know life better than those who live it. We believe that telling the bitter truth will help one achieve the unachievable.
We truly believe that people are interested in our personal experiences, opinions, and even in a new pimple on the butt cheek, with all the details.
Not even close! Everybody has their own experience, their own truth, and even their own butt cheek for a pimple.
Therefore, if you don’t want to be the one girls are ghosting from, here are some date conversation tips and things you’d rather be silent about:
- Avoid discussing children with their mothers.Even if a mom has asked you for advice regarding her kids, be as diplomatic as possible. Besides, don’t forget to show your support and understanding of her difficult situation. Whenever you tell that the kid did something wrong, his mom hears that she is a bad mother if she allowed such thing to happen. Your first date questions and comments should be neutral and appropriate. Everything is simple: if you blame a kid, you blame his mom, as well. Therefore, you are likely to receive a double defense here.
- Avoid showing your excitement once you get to know that your girl is a lawyer, a physician, a novelist, or a psychologist. Moreover, don’t make her feel awkward by telling about your difficult childhood or your endocrine disorders.Trust me, these girls know what happens after they unveil their jobs, so they tend to keep it secret, especially on a first date. This is not the best topic to discuss on a date, even if you simply don’t know what to talk about. Whatever place this type of men choose – the Basilica Sancti Petri in Rome or at friends’ – they start complaining about their issues, asking their date’s advice, and retelling the whole life story, hoping that she will help them somehow. These are not the right things to talk about on a first date. Keep in mind that professional consulting is always paid. Why should she do her work for free?
- Avoid sharing the details about your past relationships, as well as comparing her with your exes.We are curious about what was going on in somebody’s life before us. I know it’s difficult to resist the temptation to ask but you should keep your curiosity down. These are not the best questions to ask on a date. Also, the way you speak about your past and the facts you mention may give your date a hint about how you act in the now. There is a huge difference between saying that you had relationships, that they lasted for a certain period, and they ended up because… and telling long and detailed stories about how great your relationships used to be, what you used to do together, or exciting sex you used to have. I believe this would be the worst first date conversation ever.
- Leave the memory card with photos, music, and movies at home.The fact that your woman asked you to show her some pictures from your vacation does not mean that it is necessary to show all the 3555 ones. People tend to show their interest in your tastes or passions. Don’t jump over the moon telling how interesting you are as soon as someone expressed their interest in you. Imagine a girl telling, “I’ve just come from Spain, here is my yacht, here is my car, here I’m eating, here I’m swimming, here I’m sleeping. By the way, I have a track I’ve recorded recently on the other flash card. Just a minute, I’ll turn it on. Here I have an exciting movie, about my trip to Spain. I’ve shown you some pictures but they don’t reflect all the beauty. I’ll show you the movie. Here.” Don’t act like that girl.
- Avoid expressing your critical opinion even though you believe it is unbiased.We are afraid of embarking on something new and always feel anxious about the upcoming results. Criticism is supposed to help people develop their ambitions rather than kill their desire to keep plugging away. Therefore, you should be ready to support your woman rather than reproach her. Be her patron, not her critic. Even if you think your woman should hear your opinion, say something positive first and then get to a fly in the ointment. The point is that we cannot enjoy a good thing if it follows the bad one. If you start your conversation with criticism, there is no sense in telling the good part afterward – no one will notice it. Praise you girl in the first place and give her some time to enjoy the moment. After that, you are free to tell what was wrong. Besides, it is useful to prepare the questions you want to ask in advance. By doing so, it will be easier to prove that you are really interested.
- Do not answer the questions you were not asked. The same is about people’s secrets – just skip it.Some people ask me what they should do if they see their girlfriend’s husband in a restaurant with another woman or if they see someone’s son in a gang. People are able to set the most comfortable level of acquaintance and get the information they need. Excessive information will make your date react to it and if she is not ready to accept it – she will simply withdraw from you. Do you really want it to happen?
- “Silence is golden”, wise people keep saying.It does not mean you need to shut up right now and stay silent till the end of your date. Not even close! Just keep in mind that it is a conversation, not a speech in front of a big audience. You have an interlocutor, so you can easily recognize the interesting topic paying attention to her reaction. Is she smiling, are her eyes glistening with excitement? Or is she yawning or clock-watching all the time because your date seems boring and endless to her?
Now you know what to talk about on a date and, more importantly, the topics to avoid. Still, keep in mind that you always can ask your girl whether she is excited about a specific topic or not. You can always specify if she needs a piece of advice or is looking for support. Pay attention to your vis-à-vis and you’ll understand it without asking.