The reasons why women and men over 30 stay single can be different. Some of them have already been in relationships and now, they don’t want to rush into the next romance. Some of them set different priorities in their 20s and focused on their careers. Some decided to get the most out of life without spoiling it with relationships. Some are still afraid of commitment. There wouldn’t be any discussions around this question if it wasn’t for public opinion. The society sets its requirements for the marital status of 30-somethings. It makes women think that the time is ticking and questions the reputation of single men in their 30s. How often do you think about your unmarried status? Are you OK with it or do you panic at times? Maybe, you should calm down or start doing something. Let’s find out.
Pros and Cons of Being Single in Your 30s
Thirty is the age of making plans and setting new priorities. People who are 30 and single can be divided into those who see only advantages in their free life and those who want to get rid of the “single” status. Consequently, these two groups of singles have different attitudes to their freedom. Anyway, both realize it has its advantages and disadvantages.
Total freedom. When you are in a relationship, your personal space is limited. When you are single, you can do anything you want and whenever you want. You don’t have to adjust your schedule to somebody else’s; you can go anywhere without explaining to or consulting with someone.
Ability to focus on career. When you are not burdened with family life, you can dedicate yourself to building a successful career. Since you don’t have a romantic partner who requires your attention and time, you can work at your office, at home, during the day and in the night. Relocation is not a problem for you – you can move to another city or country without any obstacles.
Financial independence. You can spend your money exclusively on yourself. You decide how much you’ll spend and how much you’ll save. Your budget is totally in your hands. You don’t have to support someone financially.
More time to relax. After a busy working day, you are free to choose how you’ll wind down. You can go to a bar, for a bicycle ride or you can come home and relax on a couch. No kids that wait for you to play with them, no spouse that wants to talk – you can rest the way you want.
More new people in your life. Since you can go anywhere, you can meet anyone. You can freely like photos of your new acquaintances or even strangers and no one will disapprove of you.
Lawful flirting. If flirting is your second nature, nothing can prevent you from doing it if you’re single while being in a relationship you should restrain yourself.
It may seem that singles are the happiest people in the world. However, each coin has two sides.
Feeling like a black sheep. Some of your friends already have families while others are in relationships and only you are an outsider. It hurts sometimes and you feel like you’ve been left out.
Feeling lonely. Freedom is great but there comes the moment when you need somebody by your side. You feel that you want to be in a relationship.
Lack of intimacy. It’s natural that people seek love. We are meant to be coupled up and we need a person who will show their care and tender feeling to us. Even if you go out on dates, it will never substitute a true loving relationship.
Getting used to being your own boss. Single men and single women in their 30s admit that they are a bit afraid of sharing their routine with someone else. They have the established personalities, characters, habits and the older they get, the more difficult it will be for them to give up some habits and adjust themselves to a family life.
All those pros seem just an illusion when you experience one of the cons and realize that it’s time to finally find a loving partner.
How to Be Single and Not Lonely
There is a huge difference between being single and being lonely. Some people are better on their own. They can live the whole life as bachelors and be satisfied with their lives. It’s extremely important to enjoy your life while waiting for the love to come into your life. Psychologists advise not to focus on the searches of love but to direct your efforts to self-improvement and finding your own self.
Many people are afraid of being single simply because they confuse it with being lonely. Loneliness is the feeling you get when it seems to you everyone abandoned you and no one needs you. This feeling is subjective but it’s very destructive. Sometimes people feel lonely when they are in a relationship or when they are surrounded by people. We can say that loneliness is a state of mind.
So, how not to adopt this state of mind when you are alone? Coping with being single in your 30s can be difficult sometimes because you may feel pressure from the society. There is a belief that a person should get married by a certain age and you’re missing or have already missed the deadline that is usually around 30. However, it’s important not to take all that external pressure to heart thinking there is something wrong with you as you didn’t live up to other people’s expectations.
How to be single and happy? First, you should realize that your life is bright and full of many things that make you happy. Happiness, as well as the feeling of loneliness, goes from within. If every single person felt unhappy, the world would be full of miserable people. Fortunately, being single doesn’t equal being wretched. Singles feel not miserable but not completely happy. If they don’t feel the need in intimacy and long-term relationships (when they are busy with their studies or career), they can easily call themselves happy.
Second, don’t let loneliness consume you. For this, just don’t think about it. Read the pros of being single once again and realize how much you can get out of living alone. Do what you like. Compile a list of things you want to do before you get married and go for it.
Finally, nothing prevents you from dating. It can be casual dating or dating aimed at finding the one. If you have serious intentions, finding that special someone when you are single and 30 is way easier than in your 20s. Well, easier in terms of weeding out the wrong candidates. You have certain criteria and if you see that a person doesn’t possess the essential qualities, you won’t waste your precious time on that person.
Many singles in their 30s are happy they didn’t marry in their 20s because they’ve got an opportunity to learn from the mistakes of their friends. Family life is a challenge and kudos to those who accepted it and managed to build a happy family. If most of your friends are married, you probably know which trials they are going through and what family life is about. Maybe, the example of one married couple taught you that it’s not a good idea to start a family if you are not financially secure. From the experience of another couple, you decided that it’s better to focus on your career first and then have children. This way, you analyze your friends’ situations and decide which scenario will be the best for you. Although it makes you pickier, it boosts your chances of landing the right partner.
Dating Tips for 30-somethings
“In 30s and still single” should not sound as a stigma. It’s your life and it’s you who decides when to settle down. Fortunately, today, the society has become less severe in its “demands” and prejudices. The pace of contemporary life sets new standards. Single men in their 30s who have never been married are not considered as convinced bachelors. With a more emancipated way of life, early marriages are not in trend nowadays. Moreover, there is no point in marrying someone because your parents did it at your age or just because most of your friends are already married. All in good time.
If you made up your mind to find a life partner in your 30s, dive into the dating pool. Dating at this age is more efficient since you know what you want (whether it’s with casual or serious intentions). This is the age when you’ve established your life and you can focus on relationships. Yes, you have a certain baggage but it should rather be called experience that defines who you are today.
Since most people of your age are married, the playing field gets narrower. That is why you should be ready to date a divorcee or a single parent.
When you meet someone new, forget about your age, about your past and leave your heart open. You’re wise enough to look not for someone perfect but for your soul mate. This is where your age can help you make the right choice.