Bad dates happen. The percentage of the failed first dates is especially high. Even if you’re pretty experienced at dating, it doesn’t secure you against the failure. Of course, a wise woman will give a man a second chance and agree to have a second date with him. But in most cases, a bad first date becomes the last.
Typical Causes of a Terrible First Date
Very often, you don’t even realize that your date went bad. You think everything was fine and simply can’t understand why she said she’s not interested in continuing your relationship or she just ignores your calls.
A first date is indeed a special event. It’s nerve-racking and stressful but if you manage to tame your anxiety and pull yourself together, you can turn it into one the most memorable days. Everything counts on a first date. Even if you already know each other, a first date can become a symbolic start of a romantic affair between you two, so you need to prepare for it carefully. Actually, this is one of those things that men ignore and then face the music.
You need to realize that your date will assess you (deliberately or unconsciously) according to some criteria. By the end of the date, she’ll get a general idea of what kind of person and potential partner you are and will be able to decide whether this relationship could have the future. Usually, the unsuccessful outcome of the date is caused by your failure to do several major things:
- Make a good impression. If you are on a date, it means you are romantically interested in the woman and want to develop a relationship with her. Your first date is your chance to demonstrate that you are a good match for her and that you deserve her attention. It’s quite easy to impress a woman but most men fail at this simple task. They either try too hard or don’t put enough effort. As a result, a bad first date impression ruins your plans.
- Choose the date venue. One of the ways to ruin the impression is to take a woman to an inappropriate place or, even worse, meet, for example, in the park and ask where she wants to go. There are good and bad first date ideas, and if you pull a boner, your date is doomed from the start.
- Behave naturally and appropriately. Your nervousness and desire to make a good impression can play a nasty trick on you. Many guys admit that their brains as if switch off on first dates and they don’t behave the way they planned at home. Also, a lack of experience in courting women can be the reason for the unsuccessful date.
Very often, a first date is like a roller coaster. One moment a woman admires you and thinks how awesome you are. Then, you say something and it totally levels your previous success. Perhaps, all people have some bad first date stories they wish to forget. The bright side of those stories is that they reveal your weak points giving you the opportunity to improve. However, it is possible only if you are able to analyze your failed dates, realize what you did wrong, and draw the conclusions.
10 Behaviors That Can Destroy a First Date
Here are the ways you can ruin your first date. Put them on your not-to-do list.
1. Overreacting. You should be open-minded and prepared to hear any information from your date. You can get to know something you didn’t expect and it may catch you off guard. The important thing here is to keep calm and accept any truth. For example, if you get too focused on the fact that your paramour is a vegetarian and keep asking her questions about what she eats and how she is still alive, you can freak her out by this obsessive behavior.
2. Hinting at sex. If a woman notices you are trying to have sex with her, you’ll never see her again after that date. A first date is only an initial meeting and the odds are a woman agreed to it just to test the waters and understand for herself whether she feels something for you. She is interested in getting to know you better and figuring out your intentions. If your actions give her an impression that you’re looking for a one-night stand, she’ll want to end this date as soon as possible. Unless her intentions are the same.
3. Being rude to the server. Nobody wants to date a boor who yells at others and behaves in a supercilious way towards the waiters. According to one social survey, both men and women feel embarrassed when their dates shout at waiters when they bring the wrong dish, for example, or are too slow. If you think that you show superiority this way, you are very wrong. This is a very off-putting behavior that a rare woman would tolerate.
4. Talking about yourself. Some guys know that a first date should not be like a job interview or interrogation, so they resort to another extreme – they turn a first-date conversation into a monolog and talk about themselves non-stop. This is one of the major turnoffs for women who understand that a man is interested in them by the questions he asks. But when the nerves take over and the fear of awkward silence sets in, it’s hard to control your flow of speech. So, you should think of a date conversation as a ping-pong game it should consist of questions and answers, not only your story.
5. Inviting friends. Just imagine the situation: you are in the middle of your first date and suddenly your phone calls. It’s your buddy who happened to sit in the nearby café. And here are two scenarios based on real-life stories. Your buddy either wants to drag you out of your date or you open your mouth to invite him to join you. Simply look at your date at this moment. Even if she doesn’t show a sign of discontent, there is only one question in her head: “What’s the hell?” There is always a way out and in this case, there are even two. You should either politely say that you need to go or tell your friend you’re busy at the moment.
6. Checking your phone. The situation described in #5 would never happen if you turned off your phone or activated a mute mode. There are also many other reasons to leave your phone in the pocket. The main reason is that it’s simply impolite. It distracts your attention and gives your date an impression that you are not very interested in her.
7. Discussing your ex. Among the bad things to say on a first date, mentioning your ex is a number one no-no. Even if you recently broke up with your girlfriend and you are still getting over it, it doesn’t excuse you from touching upon this topic. Or if you think that telling your date that you totally moved on will make you look cool in her eyes, it won’t. She’ll only see that your ex is still on your mind if you mention her on a date with another girl.
8. Drinking too much. It’s difficult to imagine a date without a glass of wine or champagne and you shouldn’t. 1-3 drinks are optimal for a first date and you should observe this norm. If you drink more, you’ll make a bad impression on your date or even worse, ruin your first date because according to one social survey, one out of 10 women considers drinking too much a deal-breaker.
9. Talking about marriage. Even if your aim is to find a life partner, talking about marriage on a first date is not a good idea. It’s too soon to talk about commitment when you hardly know this person. It’s better to omit this topic even if you touch it indirectly. Marriage-related topics scare not only men but women as well.
10. Ending with a handshake. The date may go pretty well but you can ruin the whole thing by ending it in a wrong way. If you are a nice guy and you don’t want to seem obtrusive, ending a date by shaking hands or even worse, by slapping her on the back like your buddy is one of the worst first date ideas that may spring to your mind. It will leave her with a weird feeling. It was a romantic date, so end it romantically to let her know you like her as a person and woman. If you’re afraid to kiss her, then just hug goodbye or lean to kiss her on her cheek. But no handshakes.