Five Girls That Could Ruin My Life, or the Story of Dating Disasters

Hello, guys. My name is Alan, and it’s a great honor for me to be writing for you. It would be an exaggeration to say that I am modern Casanova or someone like that. My love life and career are genuinely successful. That is why I hope each and every of you will be able to relate to some of my experiences and stories (which I don’t change even a bit except for names; therefore, you would surely find yourself calling me a jerk, and I totally appreciate it).

I haven’t had too many relationships in my life. Five, in particular.

Number One. My first girlfriend happened to be my classmate. We both were 18 at the time, so nothing criminal. I was a bit shy and nerdy (though I looked quite good, thanks to perpetual fitness training). And Melanie (never really liked this name) was literally the queen bee of the entire high school. I never thought that such female would ever focus her attention on… me. No, I had no issues with self-assurance – and that is why it felt so strange to be Melanie’s boyfriend. We clicked like matching parts of a jigsaw puzzle even though we were never meant to. But let’s go deeper into this story.

She was always in the limelight, which means that I had to be there, too. And it didn’t really excite me, but it’s okay to go through some changes and anxiety provoking situations in such age. Her friends were not really glad to see me as a part of their clique. And that’s how I eventually found myself tied up with people who hated me just as much as I hated them. I wouldn’t call it a toxic relationship as Melanie and I were rather happy together. However, the entire world that surrounded us was against our partnership. You see, teenagers have quite strict rules. You cannot date someone who is out of your hierarchal league. It’s something similar to princesses marrying rednecks – the aristocracy wouldn’t be satisfied at all. I am sure teenagers haven’t changed since I graduated.

We knew it would end eventually, and it did – but I’d say it was the best breakup among those that I am planning to describe. We chose radically different paths of post-school life – I was going to the Pennsylvania State University while she attempted a model’s career. I have no idea what Melanie does now but former schoolmates say her marriage is successful. Therefore, I have nothing to worry about (I wouldn’t even if I had some reasons). The most problematic part of the relationship with Mel was that both of us were under the pressure of a teenage clique, and young adolescents are always mean and cruel – in this way, they are trying to prove their worthiness and fight their insecurities about themselves.

Number Two. I met Alysia at the campus. Those were glory days. After experiencing some troubles with interpersonal communication back in school, I felt 100% happy in the university. People with the same mindsets and interests as mine surrounded me, and it positively affected the ways I treated others and myself. If you haven’t graduated yet or trying to decide whether you want to go to college or not – please, don’t lose such opportunity.

It was a party at one of the fraternities. Nothing special, you have probably seen such parties in comedy movies or so (though the real ones are much less vicious). I was hanging out with some of my peers in the hallway when the petite redhead succubus bumped into me splashing her whatever-she-was-drinking all over the place. She was laughing drunkenly, trying her best to explain how much she regretted losing infnother cocktail because of her clumsiness, and that she did not regret spilling it on me because I looked like a total douchebag. I had nothing to say about it but I wasn’t angry either. Her freckles and insolence were somewhat charming. As she didn’t get any reply except for meaningless “Yeah, okay”, she (perhaps) decided that I deserve her wrath and started beating me with her cute little fists. Clearly, she had no chance against a 20-ear-old guy, and after a series of punches and awkward screams, I heard what at the least surprised me, “I’m gonna throw up.” I took the insolent angel to the bathroom as fast as I could but it wasn’t fast enough to help her reputation remain immaculate. One of her close friends encountered our swift rendezvous and was kind enough to share my sudden responsibility. I took a chance and left as courtesy is not really my thing.

On the next day, I received a text from an unknown number saying something like, “Thanks for your help!” I immediately figured out the author and replied, “I had no other choice!)” After a few hours of texting, we decided to meet. I did not regret it even a bit. However, there was something that made me feel quite uncomfortable. She was drunk again; not as much as she was last night, but still somewhat tanked-up. I have nothing against alcohol and, oh Lord, I love to drink myself. Yet it was a Monday evening and I decided that she just didn’t manage to sober up after last night’s party. And I was wrong.

Have you heard recent hit song by The Chainsmokers and Halsey, Closer? The lyrics tell about young people, and the male vocalist sings that he drinks too much since he met the girl, and it’s kind of okay for him. Well, I can totally relate to this situation as my redhead angel used to be a 100% party girl. Her life consisted of modern literature and binge drinking, and I liked what was going on in my life. It hurts to admit that a young girl heavily influenced me. But what the hell. Let’s put all the gender stereotypes aside and confess that a strong individuality has no gender, race, or position.

And then I understood that I was on the verge of being expelled from the university due to my underperformance in literally every class. It was refreshing enough to stop doing what I was doing last several months. And yeah, Alysia wasn’t excited about changing anything. Being in the same pit of problems as I was, she turned her face to endless grief accompanied by perpetual dancing-drinking and other self-destructive behavioral patterns. Since she was absorbed by this all, she didn’t even notice that I erased myself from her life.

I hope this imprudent angel is okay, because, by far, she was walking the path that cannot last too long. Although, I sometimes refer to this insane period as to the golden era of my youth (mostly when I feel my liver aching).

Number Three. During my university years, I had several short flings with random girls, but I would not really call it a relationship.

When this beautiful era had come to its end, I found a job in an engineering bureau. It wasn’t much of a dream job but at the time it satisfied my financial hunger and, believe it or not, gave me a fair share of space to explore my creativity. Likewise, I had a chance to master my seduction skills. The agency was filled with surprisingly stunning girls (mainly because if its traineeship programs). And that’s where I met the love of my life. Well, that’s how I thought about this period of my life. More precisely, I though it was not just another period – I was assured it would become my life.

Clair was a sweet plumpish girl with longish blond hair and sparkling blue eyes. I have this thing about enthusiastic girls with cheerful attitudes. I perhaps compensate my sullenness and dullness with their positivity. I think it’s all right to seek something different in your partner than you yourself hold. And, at the beginning of our friendship, she felt quite unsure about my mindset and if she could handle it. Who’d have known that this cutie with infinite smile would eventually become my wife? No one could, and here’s how things turned out.

We engaged a year after we started dating. It would be fair saying that marriage was rather Clair’s idea (desire) and I just signed up for what my beloved woman craved so hard. Unfortunately, it is quite a widespread situation. Long gone the days when soigne gentlemen were doing their best to win beautiful woman’s heart and disposition. Today, in the world of emancipation and gender equalitarianism, it’s totally okay for females to be more initiative and assertive.

In a few weeks after the engagement jewelry slid down her ring finger, we married. I wasn’t expecting anything special. No, not like that. I expected literally nothing from this happening. I believed we would live just the same as we did before. Oh gosh, how wrong I was.

I heard about such girls but never even thought I would find one of them right beside me. Her behavior drastically changed after we had married, and not in a good way, as you have probably figured out. She started acting like I owed her something; she became a total control freak, trying her best to accuse me of cheating and misbehaving every now and then. I do not understand how this mechanic works and why girls start being so fussy. Let me just demonstrate you one of those episodes that led us to an inevitable end.

We were watching this romantic film where a guy at one point had to choose between two girls – the one he was currently dating and the one he was falling for at once. The main hero eventually chose the second girl. Clair gazed at me with her sincerest look and mumbled: “If I were the second girl, would you prefer me to your girlfriend?” And I was like, “Of course I would, I love you!” I have never seen anyone’s face expression changing so rapidly. She was radiating anger with her beautiful eyes, which made her look quite unattractive. “SO, if I were your girlfriend, you would dump me for some random chick just because you feel you LOVE her?” I blinked several times struggling to understand whether she was joking or talking seriously. And, oh gosh, it was nothing but her real opinion said aloud. Is it some kind of men’s stupidity that makes girls act out like that? Or do they actually seek best possibilities to pin their little needles in our hearts?

In a course of hysterias and needless scandals, she (!) decided that we were not created for each other. We divorced in half a year after marrying. I cannot say I suffered from a severe heartache or anything; this divorce was a relief after six months of Clair picking me and making my existence a living hell. When we saw each other for the last time, I tried to ask her about what happened to us after we married and why it affected her behavior so much, but the only answer I got was her tears. I guess people do not always control their emotions and reactions. And since I became a divorced man with a baggage of strange experiences behind my back, I needed to rebuild my entire universe from scratch.

Number Four. The troubles brought along by my marriage with Clair and divorce processions made me think it would be better for to stay away from dating for some time. I spend two years building my career and devoting my entire leisure time to books and fitness (nothing special, just basic training to stay fit; although, I don’t mind getting bulkier). Two years is not that much when you are in your late 20s – but at the same time, it is a whole bunch of time to reinvent yourself.

I have seen my friends finding their soulmates in mobile dating apps as Tinder. Too many of them, in fact. I am pretty sure people nowadays rarely use any other means of communication aside from the Web to meet other people. I have nothing against it, of course. It is just something fast expanding and new; not all the people can handle such rapid changes. Nonetheless, being influenced by successful dating stories of my peers, I decided to try a location-based application. It was just curiosity, nothing more. But this thing really absorbs you and in several hours I had five dates appointed for the next week (I wasn’t going to show up to all of them; sorry, girls, guys can also be fastidious and inconsistent).

You probably think it’s going to be a story about one of my Tinder dates. But it is not. The girl I am going to tell about is the one I never actually met. Her name was Leslie. I communicated with her for a while but she didn’t really hook me in any way, so I eventually stopped replying. She found me on Facebook and started messaging me unstoppably. Interestingly, she looked quite good and there was nothing desperate about her image. However, she liked all my posts up to the first one, and I’m a devoted user with over 1000 posts on Facebook. Yeah, you got it right – Leslie started stalking me. I almost forgot about her when I saw her standing right in front of my office. She looked as good as she did on her photos, and I thought it was just a strange coincidence. But such “coincidences” began happening up to five times a week – near my favorite bar, near the gym I trained in, and suddenly near my apartment block.

I heard stories about stalkers, and some of them sounded really bad. However, all the stalkers were men. I am still assured that she was mentally unstable. And I hope it somewhat justifies the fact that I called the police that one time when she caught me in my apartment building “to just talk to me”. She told me that everything could be much better and that she believed we were designed to be together (while I asked one of my pals through an SMS to call the police). It was indeed a horrific yet depressing occasion. And that’s why I am never coming back to online dating. Well, I would have, but there is no need to.

Number Five. You may assume that the last story, as well as previous parts, is going to encompass some disaster woman. And it will, but in a totally different way. I had some random sex partners and short-period romances before I met Lily. And the main problem about this girl is that there are no problems about her. Yeah, I truly mean it. It’s extremely strange for me that I don’t experience any troubles with the woman I date, and it sends chills down my spine. I look back to the relationships I have been in, I look over every strange situation that life brought me in. What should I do to believe in this miracle? If I were exceedingly rich, some psychotherapist would make a fortune trying to solve my psychological issues, but, fortunately, I am an average worker.

Nevertheless, the last girl I am telling you about, Lily, ruins my life in the sweetest way ever imagined – she brings love and peace in it. And, oh Lord, being unconditionally happy after the sequence of remarkably disastrous relationships is indeed a complicated assignment. I hope each and every of you will eventually deal with this task! Now I am saying ‘goodbye’ until the next time I find inspiration! Really hope you all will be back to share your stories, too.

Casanova

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