Love, mutual understanding, and trust always go hand in hand. The most important component of a happy relationship is trust. It’s not gained in a minute but it can be lost quite easily. Rebuilding trust in a marriage is possible only if two partners want to save their relationship. Marriage without trust is a torture for two. You don’t want to lose your significant other because you’ve been through many things. At the same time, you can’t pretend that everything is fine.
Infidelity, lie, and non-fulfilled promises can be the causes of the undermined trust. But is it possible to regain trust in a relationship? Yes, it’s possible, but it will be even more difficult than to build a relationship from scratch.
Trust issues in marriage: root of evil
What is trust in a relationship? It’s often identified with love because love without trust is impossible. It can be explained by the fact that people can open up to and love only those whom they confide in. When a slight trace of doubt pops up to our mind, it is trust that helps us control our emotions. The basic “ingredients” of trust are sincerity, truthfulness, goodwill, and respect. Trust issues usually result in jealousy and constant scenes. Partners become reserved. They don’t share their worries with each other because they believe they won’t be understood and supported. What did make them think this way? Here are some common reasons that lead to a lack of trust in marriage.
Unfaithfulness. Cheating has the most detrimental effect on relationships. Even if both partners make believe nothing happened, deep down the person who was cheated on will suspect the cheater. It’s possible to forgive infidelity but the scar the cheating spouse left on the partner’s heart will always hurt.
Jealousy. Jealousy can be either reasonable or groundless. Nevertheless, its essence stays the same. It’s a very poisonous feeling that indicates there is something to be changed in your couple. This is a sure-fire sign that you don’t trust your partner. Jealousy can ruin your relationship unless you stop and think whether your jealousy is justified.
Lie. Little and frequent or rare and terrible – lie destroys trust. At the beginning of a relationship, partners agree to tell the truth no matter what. However, not everyone keeps their word. Even if spouses find the way how to rebuild trust in a marriage after lying, the deceived partner will not believe every word the other says.
Discrepancy between words and actions. Even the most beautiful declarations of love mean nothing if a person treats the other partner with indifference and neglect. If this way of behavior is not a temporary crisis but a usual thing, that indifference will gradually kill trust and the relationship itself. A similar discrepancy is when a person promises to change but doesn’t do anything to fulfill it.
Lack of trust at the initial stage of a relationship. Sometimes, people enter into a long-term partnership without establishing a necessary level of trust. They only create an illusion of trust. They like the relationship full of fights. At first, this kind of relationship excites them but later, they either get tired of it or reach a deadlock. Rebuilding trust in this case is impossible since it wasn’t there
from the start.
Disparities between expectations and real life. If one partner promises to make the other partner happy and ensure a carefree life, and then the partner gets the opposite, it undermines trust between them greatly.
Fixing trust issues in a marriage is not an easy task, and it requires the efforts of both partners. First, you should analyze what made you lose trust and then look for the ways of regaining it.
Rebuilding trust in your marriage
If there is no trust in a marriage, you should figure out why. Once the reason is clear, you can get down to making the gradual steps to its recovery.
- Stop destruction.
The partner who was cheated on is hurt so much that he/she is ready to kill everyone who made them suffer, including the unfaithful partner and the rival. But the worst part is that they want to bury their love without giving their partner a chance to rehabilitate.
- Reveal your feelings.
There is no point in turning a blind eye to what has happened and keeping everything to yourself. In order to understand how to regain trust in a marriage, you should accept your pain and offense and tell your partner about your feelings. Get your concerns off your chest. The real forgiveness doesn’t mean self-denial. It’s an important step you make for the sake of your couple.
- Weigh everything.
You should realize whether your marriage is worth saving. If the thing your partner did was a one-time misdeed or you can’t be 100% sure that it really happened, you should fight for your relationship and rebuild trust. However, if your partner constantly undermines the established trust, you should think maybe your relationship has no future.
- Admit your fault.
If you’re the party at fault, don’t be defensive. But you shouldn’t rush to your partner and beg them to forgive you either. By doing so, you’ll only lose your authority and let your partner manipulate you. How? Your partner will see that you are ready to go out of your own way to regain trust, so you’ll do everything your partner asks you to, thinking it will help you restore the broken trust. This is not a solution. Your partner wants a revenge, so don’t degrade yourself.
- Be transparent.
If your partner is jealous or suspicious, you need to prove to them that there are no reasons for that. You’ll need to sacrifice your privacy. Give your partner an easy access to your phone and appointment book so that they understand you don’t hide anything from them.
- Don’t put any pressure on your partner.
If you had a fight recently, leave your partner alone for a while. It’s not recommended to get reconciled with your partner right after the argument, especially if the reason for the fight was huge. If the reason for losing trust is minor, your partner will understand it and forgive you without your first move.
- Don’t involve relatives and friends.
Solve your family issues within your family. If you lost your partner’s trust, it’s a bad idea to ask your relatives to talk with your partner about the problem. It was your fault and you should deal with it yourself. Involving other people in your conflict, you’ll only aggravate things and undermine trust even more.
- Erase that from your memory.
Once you feel that you can trust each other again, try not to recall the situation that shattered trust in your couple.
If you knew how to build trust in a relationship when you were at the beginning of your romantic affair, you should apply the same techniques when re-establishing trust. You can’t get the credit again but you can build it anew. Open up to each other, communicate your concerns, be sincere, and start changing for the better. Your forgiveness or remorse should go from the heart.
What if nothing works?
Trust and relationships are inseparable. If the partner who made a mistake repents sincerely and the other partner is ready to forgive that mistake to save their marriage, this couple can work the things out. Professional help shouldn’t be disregarded – a marriage therapist can answer the question how to build trust in a marriage. If one of the partners is not interested in rescuing this relationship, is not ready to make concessions or sacrifice, this couple is doomed.