A relationship is a tricky topic. When we think about romantic relationships, the idea of dating a wrong person rarely crosses our minds. We hope that we can figure out whether it’s the right person for us or not on the first date. But sometimes, a perfect guy reveals himself to be an abusive boyfriend when we are too deep in our relationship to consider breaking up. That’s when most of the problems start. One part of you denies the mere idea of something being wrong with your boyfriend, while another part of you wants to break free. Years that you have spent in a relationship make it harder for you to be selfish and break up without taking his feelings into consideration. Here you can figure out the best way to break up with your boyfriend.
When You Should Break Up?
One of the most common questions is when to break up? Should you break up with your boyfriend immediately after learning that he’d cheated on you? Should you break up immediately upon learning that you have a drug addict boyfriend? But what if you can help him, and everything is going to be great afterward? Should you break up with an alcoholic boyfriend as soon as you learn about his unhealthy habit? Hopefully, we’ve got you covered. You know that breakups don’t happen without a reason. Well, here are five reasons that may give you the momentum to break up with your boyfriend.
1. Lack of Communication
Lack of communication is the thing that comes to your relationship with time. Sometimes it takes a few months, sometimes it takes 2 years or even 10 years. Lack of communication may come to your relationship regardless of whether you are living together or just dating. Lack of communication is the reason why most of the couples break up, as it leads to misunderstanding between the partners, and thus to conflicts. Of course, you can try to fix that, but if lack of communication lasts for longer than a year, your breakup is inevitable, and you can point it out to your boyfriend as a reason.
2. Quarrels with Insults
Most of the couples have quarrels from time to time. Believe it or not but having no quarrels at all is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. It means that you’re emotionless. So, if you are having quarrels from time to time, you are okay. However, if you’re having quarrels on the daily basis, especially with insults, it means that your relationship is nearing a breakup. When quarreling lasts for years, a breakup is the only logical solution. And you can easily point it out as a reason for breaking up to your boyfriend.
3. Quarrels in Public
Quarrels in public is a clear indication that your relationship is unhealthy. Having quarrels at home can hurt you and lower your self-esteem, but if you fight in public, it brings you a lot of shame. When it happens, you no longer want to break up with your boyfriend peacefully, and you are right about it.
4. Lack of Sex
Lack of sex is another reason why couples fall apart. Aside from physical needs, sexual activity brings you closer together. That’s why most of the people are afraid of a long-distance relationship because of the lack of physical contact. Lack of sex may be a sign that you want each other no more, which means that you should break up.
5. Change in Perception
Another reason for breaking up is the change in perception. Like suddenly you get the feeling that your boyfriend is acting like someone else and not like the person whom you’ve been dating. If you can’t help but find your boyfriend annoying, there is no point in torturing each other. You should just break up.
Prepare to Break Up with Your Boyfriend
Whenever you start thinking about breaking up with your boyfriend, you start wondering, “How to break up with your boyfriend easily?” Unfortunately, breakups don’t come easy. Still, there is a way to break up easier. In order to do that, you need to prepare for a breakup with your boyfriend. You need it, especially when you’ve been in a relationship for quite a long time. We are not promising you that you will still be friends afterward, but you are likely to experience less drama following our advice.
1. Relationship Analysis
When you are preparing for a breakup, you are most likely to go through a lot of doubts on whether breaking up is the right decision. Makes no surprise that you are pretty much hesitant about ending your relationship. That’s why you need to go through a thorough analysis of your relationship. You need to make sure that you can’t go on with your boyfriend, and the only possible solution is breaking up. Only after analyzing your relationship, you can be prepared for a breakup.
2. Psychological and Emotional Training
After analyzing your relationship, you need to go through psychological and emotional training to prepare for breaking up with your boyfriend. The best way is to consult your shrink. You can also join groups on how to overcome your breakup. Yep, you haven’t broken up yet, but those groups can get you prepared for problems that you may face post-breakup. You are basically making an investment in your future. Only after going through emotional and psychological training you will be ready for the breakup.
Tips on How to Really Break Up with Your Boyfriend
Now, let’s figure out how to break up with your boyfriend. Of course, you don’t want to break up with him manly, and you don’t want to make him feel bad. Especially when you are dating an army boyfriend, whom you don’t want to mess with. Even if you’ve experienced abuse, and you can’t justify his actions by PTSD, you should forget about being mean to him. You know that you are going to go through a lot of arguments with your boyfriend, and you need to be ready for that. So, let’s check out the tips on breaking up with your boyfriend without further ado.
Decide What You Are Going to Tell Your Partner
If you want to break up with your boyfriend wisely, you need to figure out how to bring it to him. Most likely, your partner is going to ask you to explain your decision. Needless to say, that you are not going to sound that convincing if you have nothing to say. That’s why you need to think beforehand about what you are going to tell your boyfriend. If you’ve consulted a shrink about your plans to break up, you, most likely, have discussed the reasons why you want to separate with your partner. So, all you need to do is to give your partner the same reasons. It can be his abusive behavior or the fact that you both know that love is gone, and there’s basically nothing holding two of you together. Regardless of your reasons, you need to be ready to bring them up to your partner upon explaining your decision to break up.
While that may sound ridiculous, but we strongly advise you to rehearse everything you are going to tell your partner. Rehearsing your speech is extremely important when you are in a relationship with an abusive partner. You must be sure that you are not going to run out of words or out of arguments while explaining why you are leaving him. While your friends can be a great help, we advise you to rehearse your speech with your shrink. Your partner may start questioning your decision and a lot of controversial questions may pop up. You don’t want to get the feeling that you are losing it while telling your partner that you are done. A shrink can predict most of the questions that your partner may start asking you.
Think How You Will Parry the Arguments of Your Partner and Defend Your Position
Most likely, your partner would question your decision and try to make you doubt it, and you need to be ready for it. You need to show that you are firm in your decision to break up. That’s why it’s so important to rehearse things that you are going to tell your partner with the shrink. Most likely, you will have to parry the arguments of your boyfriend. Your partner may start promising you that he will change or tell you that you are also responsible for problems that you have in your relationship. No matter how confident you may feel about your decision on your own or while rehearsing it, you may easily back off, arguing with your partner about that.
Do Not Blame
The most important part of breaking up is avoiding blaming your partner for it. Remember you will have to parry his arguments, and you can ease your task by simply not blaming him for anything. When you blame your boyfriend, he can come up with a justification of his actions or opt for saying how sorry he is for his actions or his words. A breakup is a tough thing, and you feel quite vulnerable when making this decision, that’s why it’s so easy to fall for the promises to change. Sometimes people do change, but most likely you would be stuck in a relationship, which is already dead for another year or two and then goes through yet another painful breakup. Moreover, mentioning what your partner did wrong may give him the feeling that you are open for a discussion about what can be changed about that. That’s why it is better to concentrate on the fact that you can’t take it anymore or the fact that love is gone rather than blaming your partner for all of his wrongdoings.
Avoid Romantic Memories
Another important aspect of breaking up is avoiding romantic memories. You need to make sure that you keep your head cool while going through a breakup. Of course, the devastation and doubts on whether you are right to leave your partner will come afterward. But you can’t allow them to mess with your decision. Otherwise, the whole idea of breaking up is pointless. That’s why you need to avoid romantic memories by all costs. As soon as you start remembering everything that was good about your relationship and all those great romantic moments that you had, you can easily break and shrug off the idea to break up. But, as we’ve mentioned above, it will lead you to the fact that you will be stuck with your boyfriend for another year or two with literally no improvements. So, ditch romantic memories, at least during the process of breaking up.
Choose Neutral Place
Last but not least, you need to choose a neutral place for telling your partner that you are breaking up. Don’t be mean and don’t make this act pretentious. Still, you should avoid letting your partner know that you are breaking up via email or phone. You don’t want something like that happens to you, so there is no point in doing the same to your future ex-boyfriend. To avoid problems, you should find a neutral place. When you are dating an abusive partner, you should choose a public place, as you cannot be sure about what his actions are going to be. So, to avoid getting into trouble you should choose the place with a big number of people to ask for help in case if your partner is going to use force.
Types of Parting
Now, it’s time to talk about types of parting. Sometimes, you don’t want to see your boyfriend ever again after parting your ways. Sometimes, you want to remain friends with your partner afterward. Of course, everything depends on the fact what kind of people you are. But it also depends on what type of parting you are going to choose, as sometimes even people who were meant to be friends can end up hating each other for the rest of their lives. So, let’s check out the types of parting without further ado.
Positive parting is the type of parting that most couples dream about. You are no longer together, but you still remain friends. No one likes people disappearing from their lives. That’s why we would prefer to remain friends with our ex-lovers. Unfortunately, this type of parting is possible only when both partners realize their flaws and understand that they are both to blame for what has become of their relationship. In this case, you simply let each other go and remain friends.
The negative type of parting, unfortunately, is the most common one. If you don’t follow the rules on how to break up with your boyfriend, you’re going to go through negative parting. You simply start blaming each other for everything you’ve done to each other. And of course, your breakup turns into a great scandal with your mutual friends taking sides. In the end, you hate each other, and even ten years after parting you continue blaming each other for ruining each other’s lives.
Neutral parting happens when your feelings for each other are completely dead. You let each other go easily, and you no longer communicate afterward. You simply disappear from each other’s lives, and you have no regrets about it whatsoever.
Breaking Up Is Never Easy
As we’ve already stated – breaking up is never easy, and you need to remember that. You may think that following the above-mentioned rules may help you carry the breakup with ease and feel nothing, but no articles, no emotional and psychological training can block your feelings. The set of rules may show you how to act, but it can’t help you turn off your feelings while going through a breakup. So, you need to realize that you are going to feel bad anyway. But feeling bad mustn’t prevent you from leaving a relationship that feels like torture to you. Even if you don’t want your boyfriend to get hurt, staying in a relationship is not an option, as it will lead to even a more painful breakup. The only option that you have is breaking up correctly, without making things ugly. That’s possible only when you follow the above-mentioned rules.