Digital online media has long been something more than just a means for entertainment. Now it is a global adviser who knows all the answers. Whatever we do, we first ask the Internet how to proceed. This applies even to such ordinary, simple areas of life, like cooking or planning a weekend. And when it comes to more complex manifestations of human life, such as love and romantic relationships, online becomes a prerequisite for success.
Earlier dating sites were unpopular. People used them in secret. But today the situation has changed. The average Western man, after breaking up with his girlfriend, first of all, thinks about the creation of a profile on a dating site. Classical places and ways of finding the soulmate are not as effective as before. Online romance rules this party.
However, to succeed in this, it is not enough to register on the most popular dating sites. You need to know the basic rules of the game and a couple of smart tricks. So, does online dating work? That’s what we’ll talk about today!
Does Online Dating Work?
Despite the obvious popularity of dating sites, we can observe a paradoxical situation: the Internet is literally overflowing with articles like “The ugly truth about online dating” or “5 reasons you will never find love online.” This type of articles is more widespread than, for example, about the effectiveness of online dating. Reflecting on this question, we intuitively groped the parallel with the content on TV.
Turn on the news, and you will surely hear a message about a terrible accident, fire, robbery or suicide of a pop star. You will also be informed about the deplorable state of the economy and the threat of nuclear war. At the end of the show, you will find news about the divorce of a Hollywood star with a model from Serbia. If you are waiting for news about how someone’s truly heroic act – you waste your time. Usually, such things are mentioned whiz, and no one spends much time on it.
It’s all about consumer demand for such content. People have always been interested in such things as sex, violence, conspiracies. No one is interested in listening to news about cat rescue. On the Internet, there is the same demand for similar content. Reading about the failures of the dating industry is much more interesting than about its successes. The story of a man or a girl who has spent a lot of time and money on a dating site and as a result has not got anything will cause a greater response from readers.
In addition, facing failures, people have a natural need to share negative experiences with others and get feedback, support, and so on. Those who succeed rarely return online to talk about their victory. They are happy now. While you are wondering, “Do online dating sites work?” people enjoy their time together.
There are more such cases than you think. People just rarely talk about them. Again, the ever-growing audience of users of dating sites indicates that they are effective.
Asking, “How does online dating work?” it is worth noting an important point: dating sites are created for you to go on dates in real life. Whether these dates are successful or not depends entirely on you. I am familiar with a guy who went on dates 3 times in a row, and he failed each time. He accused this dating site, which he used for a couple of months and eventually quitted using it. This guy will say that online dating doesn’t work for guys. But can such a statement be called objective?
Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work for You
If you have already had a bad experience of using dating sites or apps, you should ask yourself, “Why online dating doesn’t work, while tens of thousands of people successfully find a soulmate, get married, go on dates, hang out, travel the world and so on?”
Perhaps, you made some common and very disastrous mistakes. As practice shows, as soon as you eliminate them, the situation changes drastically. Here is a small checklist that can help you.
Your profile is irrelevant and not attractive
The first thing you should pay attention to is your photo. Just looking at the photo, other users will make the first opinion about you. And the first opinion is very important in this area – if you don’t hook a person, he or she will not proceed to further actions. Your photo must be up to date. Overcome the temptation to use a cool photo, which was made seven years ago if today you look different. Do not be lazy to carefully fill out the profile. Don’t lie about your hobbies. If you do fitness 3 times a year, it’s better not to talk about sports at all, your lie that you regularly work on yourself and jog in the mornings will be revealed on the first date. You will look ridiculous.
Your messages look negative
Online dating is a territory of positive. People come to dating sites for positive emotions. If someone by their behavior makes them experience negative, they will never want to continue communication. Your approach, manner of conversation, profile – everything should say that you are a positive person. I know a guy who is attractive, well-heeled and educated. He has great photos and an interesting profile. But he still failed, and the girls either rejected to go on a date with him, or they quitted communicating after the first meeting. Then I asked him to show his personal correspondence with the girls if he didn’t mind, of course. I thought the reason was hidden there. I was right – all the messages of my friend were slightly depressive and dull. He often spoke about sad topics and expressed pessimism. When he corrected the style of communication, things improved markedly. Just like the world around him 🙂
You have too inflexible criteria for an ideal partner
Modern dating sites have very complex structures of matchmaking algorithms. They consider a wide range of preferences: from hair color and body type to tastes. On the one hand, this is good since you do not have to spend time on a date or chatting with an unsuitable person. But on the other hand, you are tempted to look for an “ideal,” “perfect” partner. This is unproductive and often leads to the opposite effect when instead of a date, you spend the next evening alone. Evaluate the search criteria again, “Is the hair color of the potential partner important for you? Does a difference in height of several inches play a decisive role?” Be more open, and the situation can change drastically.
Show activity
Online dating implies a constant presence and activity. If you rarely go to your profile or answer a guy or girl for too long, your chances of success are close to zero. The audience of popular dating sites is very large, and while you are silent, someone invites your potential bride or groom to a date.
You are not ready for a new relationship
Yes, this may happen too. Readiness for new relationships will come, but this is only a matter of time if you are not working on yourself. If you have been in a long relationship and have experienced a painful breakup, you may need a lot of time to restore the emotional background. But this time can be significantly reduced if you do psychological work on yourself. And if it seems to you that no one will notice your obsession with experience, you are mistaken. This is felt even if you do not make classical mistakes (talking about the ex all day long, for example). Emotional, non-verbal communication will give you away.
You haven’t studied the subtleties of dating and make basic mistakes
This is a very common situation – a person creates a profile on a dating site and goes to conquer it, without having read the notes of experienced travelers as well as without making a map for their own travel. Thus, you significantly slow down your progress. In order for online dating to work, you need to learn all the rules of this game and find out how does online dating work. A few secret moves will not be superfluous as well.
What to Do When Online Dating Doesn’t Work?
To begin with, remember that the reason for your failures lies in small but important things. The point is not that you are ugly, stupid or something like that. Most likely, you make mistakes that we have mentioned in the previous section. Work on them comprehensively: compare each item with your profile and change problem areas. But do not expect an instant effect – remember that dating sites work according to a certain algorithm and they often need time to adapt to your new image.
If you have done everything described above, but the situation has not changed, try changing your dating site. Perhaps you’ve made the wrong choice, and it does not suit you. Believe me, the modern dating industry has something to offer you. Do not be afraid to experiment – most often, dating sites and applications are free or provide a trial period. Sooner or later you will find the perfect option.
Go on dates with unexpected people. As we have said, you should not get hung up on the image of the “ideal” partner. Perhaps your happiness lies in a completely unexpected place. Communicating with different people, try to dive into their interests, this may be the key to your victory. Otherwise, you will gain valuable experience and definitely not lose anything.
Even if your experience of using the dating site is still negative, do not let it harm your self-esteem. At some point, it may seem to you that everyone around is doing just fine, and you are the only one who is still alone. This is not so because absolutely everyone faces difficulties. The only difference is that you are able and willing to overcome them. Asking how to make online dating work question, you show that you are the one who wants to break through difficulties, so be sure that the victory is somewhere near.
So, does online dating actually work? Yes, but only when you show some effort!
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