The Fear of Marriage
The vast majority of people consider marriage to be the only reasonable culmination of almost every kind of romantic relationships. But every time you start thinking about bringing your romance to the official level, the fear of commitment forces you to ask yourself “Am I ready for marriage?”
Marriage is an important step in lives of both partners. Often, one of them is more prepared for the next step than the other one. Fear of marriage often comes as a simple fear of the unknown, because no one knows what comes after you become a husband and a wife. Will this new status damage your relationships? Before getting married, you’re just two romantically linked people, but after marriage, you often get a feeling that you have certain responsibilities for each other or worse, for your families.
Of course, it may not change your relationships and attitude to each other at all. You’re the same couple, only with the rings on your fingers. But it’s better to check out in advance whether the ring on your finger will bother you or not. If you don’t want your marriage to end up in disaster, you should find out whether you are ready to get married or not.
Signs that you are ready for marriage
1. You know why you want to get married
How to know that you are ready for marriage? If you know why you want to get married, you’re on the right track. If your wedding pictures all over your Facebook page are not something that you want, you’re on the right track again. You must know the benefits of getting married rather than continuing your relationships as they are. If you know them, you are ready to get married.
2. Your final destination is marriage, not a wedding
The big party where all your friends and family are gathered is the main purpose of your marriage? Well, then you’re immature and you’re not ready for marriage at all. Wedding is a big party where you and your future spouse make the center of attention. But this party lasts only a few hours and your marriage is here to stay. Making plans for one day won’t get you far. If you can easily imagine your everyday life with your partner in it, that’s how to know if you’re ready for marriage.
3. You live on your own
While some fresh-out-of-high-school-couples’ marriages do last for years, many of them usually don’t last long. On the average, the strongest couples are those who marry after turning 25. Both of you are more or less mature, and you understand what you want from life and why you may want to marry.
4. You love your partner the way he/she is
The best way how to tell if you’re ready for marriage lies in your attitude to your partner. If you love your partner the way he or she is, then you can marry each other. Marrying someone in hopes to change him or her is the worst thing you can do. Most likely, your marriage won’t last longer than one year.
5. Resolving conflicts together
If you resolve your conflicts together, you are a strong couple and after a marriage, you will feel as happy as you were before. If instead of talking things over together, you go your separate ways, meaning each of you prefers resolving your conflict with friends or relatives involved, probably marriage is not the finest idea. You won’t be able to work together in your marriage if you’re unable to work together right now. Marriage is about partnership, and you need to understand it before getting married.
Signs that you are not ready for marriage
1. You’re dreading the wedding
If you’re scared of the merest thought of spending the next ten or twenty years, or worse, the rest of your life with your partner, you’re not ready for marriage and you have the deepest fear of commitment. You should either change your partner or, in case it doesn’t help, start seeing a shrink who would help you in overcoming your fear of commitment.
You do love your partner because you think he or she will be a great parent for your children. You love your partner because together you make a great couple. You love your partner because everybody envies you. You love your partner because he or she is very comfortable… but are you in love with him or her? If not, you’d better think twice before getting married because marriage with someone who you’re not in love with will unlikely make any of you happy.
3. Your beliefs don’t line up
Fundamental differences will unlikely facilitate good and healthy relationships. If you constantly continue arguing about morals and beliefs of each other, unfortunately, you’re not ready for marriage. Sooner or later, you’re going to argue whether your children should be raised as Christians or agnostics.
Once again, if you want a healthy marriage, you need to work together. If you can’t, your marriage will unlikely last long.
4. You love the potential of your partner
You think that your partner has a great potential in becoming a great businessman/businesswoman. You think your partner may become a genius artist or writer, or… whoever. The question is, “Do you love him or her as he or she is right now?” Nobody is against marriages of convenience, but if you love exclusively the potential of your partner and not the partner himself/herself, your marriage will unlikely bring you happiness.
You fear the marriage? You avoid discussing marriage- and commitment-related topics? You have panic attacks when someone mentions someone’s getting married? You tremble, cry, or faint when you think about marriage? You can’t control this fear? Most likely, you have gamophobia – the fear of marriage. If you have this phobia, there’s much work to do before even thinking about marriage. A professional shrink may help you in treating gamophobia while the most severe cases require medications.
Despite everything mentioned above, the only thing you should listen to when getting ready for marriage is your heart. Articles and advice are great, but if you’re deaf to your heart, your marriage is doomed.