What can be more exciting and worrying at the same time than dating someone? People pay a lot of attention to their first dates and search for ways on how to make it interesting and funny. We all fear to seem boring, not interested, or just ridiculous when we plan to have a date with someone. This explains why some people tend to be talking too much on their dates. People from all around the world share the same stereotype that silence on the first date is a clear red flag. Of course, there is nothing good if both partners are silent on their first date, but by talking too much, you will make this situation even worse.
Frequently, even when people have chemistry, their first date ends as a disaster. I bet that we have all been there when we have a date with someone we like and seem to be physically attracted, but this person ruins everything by talking too much. When you communicate with people who talk too much, it feels that they drain energy from you. Consequently, even if you generally like him or her, and understand that they do it because they fear to lose you, you still feel drained and tired after spending time with them. Of course, in this case, it would be foolish to assume that you would want to have a second date with such a person.
Here Are a Few Ways We Ruin Our First Dates
No matter whether you are a single woman or a guy, it is crucial to be able not only to attract but to date other people. Without a single doubt, dating is one of the hardest tasks in a person’s life. There are so many pitfalls, and, due to this fact, it is very easy to make a mistake. In some cases, people try to fix their mistakes by making new ones. For example, men who talk too much make this mistake to resolve another one. Of course, this approach won’t help you at all. So, here we are going to share with you a few ways we ruin our first dates. We hope that this part of our article will help you analyze your dating behavior and fix your mistakes that often ruin your dates.
1. To showy with financial matters
Let’s be honest all women and men like to be with successful and rich partners. Even you would immediately agree if your romantic partner offered you to spend a couple of days on board of his or her large yacht. Unfortunately, here comes the first problem. You see, no one wants or needs to hear about private jets, sports cars, or yachts on the first date. You will never be able to impress a person by this. Instead, he or she may become very suspicious of your real intentions. Who knows, maybe you want to “wow” him or her into your bed? Or what if you are just a liar? Consequently, if you are a truly successful person, your habits, looks, and behavior will stand for themselves.
2. Insisting or avoiding to pay for dinner
Our society is still divided by the simple question, “Who should pay for dinner?” Some people believe that both women and men must go Dutch. On the other hand, others think that men must pay for their women. Also, some believe that men and women must split bills because both men and women work. When people insist on paying for dinners, they make a huge mistake. Of course, you want to seem like a real gentleman, but this will work against you, and you will seem like a stubborn and old-fashioned person. When someone pays for your dinner, you feel like you have an obligation.
3. Spending too much time on smartphones during dates
You must understand that your dates are only about two of you. Consequently, when you are on a date, you must completely forget about your Instagram, Facebook, messengers, and dating apps. Just put your phone on silent and leave it in your pocket. However, in some cases, for example, due to your work, you must answer calls and use your phone. When this happens, take some time to briefly explain to your partner what has happened and why you have to answer or use your phone. By spending too much time on your phone, you make your partner think that you are not interested in him or her or even bored.
4. Talking about your ex
What can be worse than when a guy or a girl is talking too much on a date? Only when they talk too much about their ex-partners. The golden rule says that you must never talk about your ex-partner on a date with a new one unless you were asked. Even in this case, it is just enough to provide a brief answer to satisfy your new partner. I am sure that you have plenty of things to share about your ex-partner, but please, avoid talking about exes too much. It is not worth it, and you will only seem like a person who still lives in his or her past.
5. Talking about sex on the first date
Want to scary off our partner right on the first date? Just talk about your sexual preferences right on the first dates. No, there is nothing wrong with things that you love in sex (I hope). It is just too early, you will have enough time to discuss sexual matters, but don’t do this on the first date. This simply will appear too much and too soon for him or her. Consequently, if you see that you and your partner have become very flirty, you must be very careful not to cross any boundaries. Or you may encounter moments of unpleasant awkwardness or embarrassment. Those moments may even ruin your date.
Is Talking Too Much a Disorder?
If you are one of those people who tend to talk too much on their dates, you probably, already heard about a talking too much disorder. No, don’t worry, this doesn’t mean that you have serious psychological problems, but still, it will be very useful to know about it. Psychologists call it logorrhoea or logorrhea and consider it to be a communication disorder. Also, it is known as press speech. This disorder, in some cases, is classified as a mental illness. In other cases, professionals classify it as a symptom of brain injury.
The main symptom of Logorrhea is the constant unbearable need to talk. Some patients who suffer from logorrhea suffer from various additional symptoms. For example, they create new words without explicit derivation, and it often appears that their words have no apparent meanings. Also, they tend to create new morphosyntactic constructions. People who suffer from such symptoms have problems with self-correction and seem to be unaware of their grammatical errors. Of course, here we are talking about rather severe cases of logorrhea. In the majority of cases, people who suffer from this disease simply can’t control their desire to talk, and it harms their lives.
5 Signs You Talk Too Much on a Date
We have already discussed that talking about yourself too much is very harmful to your dating life, but to learn how to stop talking too much, you must, first of all, learn how to notice even the smallest signs that you talk too much. You see, the biggest problem is that people who suffer from this problem, simply don’t understand that they actually do something wrong. Because of this, they tend to repeat their mistakes again and again with different partners. So, here we will share 5 signs you talk too much on a date. This must help you analyze your behavior and be able to notice your mistakes.
1. Your partner tries to feed you
One of the clearest signs that you are talking too much is when your partner keeps asking you to have a bite of this or that, whether you want to eat or drink something else. This happens because your partner is searching for ways to stop you talking, and, as you probably know, it is very hard to talk and eat at the same time.
2. They don’t ask questions
During healthy dates, partners ask each other because they want to learn more about each other. However, if one of the partners continues to talk, the other one simply won’t have time to ask any questions. So, pay attention to your partner and make sure that you actually let him or her ask you questions.
3. You repeat yourself
You see, no matter how active you are and how full your life is. Sooner or later, you will run out of stories. Consequently, if you see that you often repeat yourself and your partner seems to know the ends of all your stories, this means that you talk too much and have already run out of topics and stories.
4. They try to interrupt and say that they don’t mean to interrupt
In fact, when he or she says that they don’t want to interrupt you, this is precisely what they want to do. By talking too much, you gave them no choice, but to try to win the initiative. This is a clear sign that you are talking too much. Unfortunately, some people are too polite to ask to have a word.
5. Your partner seems to be tired
Here is a very interesting fact: it is even harder to listen than to talk. Consequently, if you can’t maintain a balance in conversation on your date, and tend to talk too much, your partner will feel very tired after your first date. Remember, it is very easy to max out a person’s listening abilities.
How to Tell Someone They Talk Too Much in a Nice Way
Both men and women often have no idea how to control their desire to talk during dates. Consequently, everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender, may encounter a partner who has no idea how to not talk too much. Of course, chattering women have an advantage here. However, sooner or later, you will get bored or tired of her need to constantly talk. So, here we will share with you a couple of tips on how to politely tell someone they talk too much. This also should give you a clue about how other people may react to your need to talk.
1. Be polite
It is very hard to control yourself when your partner doesn’t listen to you and is the only one who has the right to talk. But you must always be polite. Instead of saying something like, “Please, shut up!” you can say, “Oh, you just reminded me of a very interesting story, and I want to share it with you.”
2. Don’t fear to interrupt
This advice can only be applied combined with the first one. It is not possible to let your partner know that something is wrong if you don’t interrupt him or her. So, if your partner talks more than 70% of your conversation, feel free to interrupt him or her from time to time, but don’t forget to be polite.
3. Express your gratitude
Don’t know how to deal with people who talk too much? Say that you are very grateful that they are willing to tell you all those things and that you appreciate their efforts to break the ice in your conversation. Then, tell them that the mission is completed, and now you feel comfortable enough to join the conversation.
How to Stop Talking Too Much on a Date
So, now when you know how to tell someone they talk too much, you can move forward to another task. As we have already said, in the majority of cases, people don’t realize that they have this problem and their constant need to talk insults, other people. Thus, to be honest, you are the only one who can help yourself with this problem. You will have to pay a tremendous amount of effort to eliminate this habit. If you still have doubts about whether you have this problem, you can ask your most trusted friends. They won’t lie, and if they think that you have this problem, they will tell you.
1. Be attentive to your partner
In healthy relationships, partners always pay attention to each other’s moods. In fact, their attention is focused on each other. Thus, they can change their behavior to please each other more. Unfortunately, people who have a habit of talking too much very rarely notice their partner’s emotions. By trying to be very attentive to your partner, you will be able to build a partner-centered dialogue.
2. Set time frames
Those who tend to be talking too much usually can’t track time and tend to discuss topics way longer than necessary. Therefore, you can resolve this problem by setting clear time frames. For example, you should give yourself 2 minutes to talk about something. Then you must give the initiative to your partner. Just don’t forget to ask a question to give him or her a topic to discuss.
3. Let your partner control your conversation
In the beginning, it will be very hard to let your partner control your conversation. However, if you are one of those people who tend to talk too much, this may be the only way. Don’t fear the awkward silence, and be patient. If a person is interested in you, he or she will do their best to break the ice between you. In turn, your task is to play the second fiddle and support your partner.