What do people usually expect to hear when they ask a romantic couple to tell how their relationship started? The story is supposed to be like: we met somewhere, felt the chemistry, I courted her, then asked out, we went on a romantic date, and then our story began. And this is what parents tell their children or lovers tell their parents. In fact, the real story is: “we were at a party/club, got drunk and went to his/her place and had sex not thinking about something serious”. Sounds not very romantic, yes? However, according to recent studies, about one-third of long-term relationships started as one night stands. There are many instances when people meet for a hookup and then become romantically attached. So, let’s figure out whether a one night stand can mark the beginning of a regular relationship.
Does She Want a Relationship after a One Night Stand?
As you know, female psychology is different from male psychology. This difference is especially apparent when it comes to love and relationships. Women strive for the emotional connection, while men are fans of getting physical because this is what helps them connect emotionally to a person. However, physical and platonic are so closely intertwined in a romantic relationship that you never know which will breed which. The hookup culture, which is a modern trend today, promotes casual sex, and there are a lot of people who practice it. Specialized dating apps and sites facilitate this trend. Still, chemistry is unpredictable. It may strike one or both casual lovers, and there is a scientific explanation for it (we’ll get to it later).
Women are more prone to think that they will automatically enter into the stage of dating after a one night stand. Men are more likely to be the ones who want to have a one night stand without developing it into something relationship-like. They just want to get physical and move on. Few men get attached after one night stand. This is all due to the differences in male and female biology, particularly in the processes that take place in the bodies of men and women during and after intercourse. Sex causes the production of oxytocin, the love hormone. Higher levels are released in women than in men, which means that the emotional contact after a one night stand can emerge even if a woman didn’t want anything serious. Male bodies produce less dopamine during sex, which explains why many men have the urge to flee right after intercourse.
At the same time, it can’t be claimed that men don’t fall in love with their casual partners, and women fall for all their one night stands. Everything is strictly individual. There are people who jump into bed and only then fall in love and people who first fall in love, get emotionally connected and only then get physical.
Even if you view casual sex only as a means of entertainment, it’s not just a physical act. It’s almost impossible to be intimate only physically during sex. You are two human beings with your own feelings and emotions. When you find yourselves in bed, you already know something about each other. And then you get very intimate – you see each other naked, which is a kind of privilege. You may want to have a casual relationship with this girl or even start dating. Or, there is another scenario, you may want to make it a one-time experience. In any case, you should be open about your intentions in order not to hurt her. You need to act according to your intentions towards your one-night partner. Unlike women, who need some time after a one night stand occurred to understand whether they want to continue it, men know immediately whether they want to see the woman they slept with again. If you don’t plan anything, then try to leave before breakfast and text her on that day. If you view her as a potential casual or romantic partner, you should have a post-sex talk, stay for breakfast and, if possible, spend the next day together or text her. Sending a message is important in both cases in order not to make a girl feel used.
What to text a girl after a one night stand? A safe option is to thank for the night full of passion. If you want to experience it again, ask her to meet soon. Your message should be written in a light-hearted manner. If you agreed in advance that it would be a one-time action, chances you meet again are very low (for example, if you leave the country tomorrow), and you woke up with a thought that you don’t want the sequel, then don’t take her number but just ghost. But how to make sure she is on the same page with you and avoid acting like a jerk? Check the signs girl wants relationship and not a one night stand.
She romantically flirts with you. When you are on a date, she shows the signs of her romantic interest in you by touching you accidentally. If a woman wants a no-strings one night stand, she’ll give more direct indicators, such as running her fingers through your hair, striking your shoulder, etc.
You have a conversation. She wants to know you better, she is interested in you as in a personality. If you ask questions and she gives short one-syllable answers, it means she wants a fling, not a relationship.
She doesn’t mention sex in a conversation. Because if she does ask you about your sex life and some intimate fantasy, she wants to make sure you’ll be a good one-night lover.
She kisses you before you leave. Kissing is considered even more intimate than sex. Probably this is why prostitutes don’t kiss their clients, as there is something quivering about kissing.
She texts you first. She writes you to ask how you got home or something like that because she got attached to you and didn’t think that was for one night.
Use those indicators to plan your further actions.
Can You Turn a One Night Stand into a Serious Relationship and How?
Since human nature is unpredictable (or vice versa, quite foreseeable), often things go not the way we plan. Statistics say that men look for casual hookups but they are more likely to want to build a relationship after a one night stand. And it is possible. This is what many people do. According to psychologists, couples who started out as a one night stand are no less happy in a relationship than those who started from traditional dating.
Can a one night stand turn into a relationship? Yes, and here is why. Psychologists explain it as a shift from the motive to the aim, when a person starts doing something with a certain aim in mind and then gets so involved in the process that it brings them more pleasure than the pursued result. For example, a person wanted to lose some weight, started running for this purpose, and then started to enjoy running itself. In terms of one night stands, the shift is when you slept together, but since you shared intimate and pleasant moments, you want to be with that person regularly to experience those moments again and again. Although there are no guarantees it will be reciprocal – your partner may not be on the same page with you – you should try to develop a relationship out of your hookup.
How to turn a one night stand into a relationship?
You slept with her or you’re only planning to but during the night you realize she is awesome, and you don’t want it to be the first and the last night together. So, what can you do?
Impress her in bed. This is how you can make her want to see you again. If you manage to please her totally, your chances for another date increase instantly. There is no point to continue a relationship after a bad sex; this is what can turn off a woman. That is why give her the best you can. If both of you were pretty drunk, it’s easy to forget how it was. You can rehabilitate yourself having a morning sex.
Talk. There should be something that connects you besides sex if you want to have a relationship with this girl. Get to know each other because sex is a secondary thing, but the ability to make a conversation shows that you are compatible.
Stay until breakfast. If you don’t have to rush to work, wake up together and have breakfast. Chat a bit to get to know her better. By doing so, you’ll no longer be random lovers but acquaintances. This will make her more willing to meet with you next time. You can offer her to meet up just in the middle of your conversation. It should be as if “by the way” in order not to appear needy.
Be nice and show respect. Being polite, you demonstrate your respectful attitude towards her and eliminate some shameful aftertaste. Also, by mentioning your possible meeting in the nearest future, you signal that your desire to see her again.
Talk about the current day plans. Before you leave, ask about how she is going to spend her day. Follow her reaction. If she willingly responds, she’s interested in you and won’t mind seeing you again.
What you should do is to watch the signs she may be giving. By her hints, you’ll understand whether she wants to continue this relationship. Also, you should also analyze whether you’re dealing with a one night stand vs relationship material. A girl’s behavior will give her away. We mentioned the signs that she is relationship-oriented in part I.
Can a one night stand become a relationship? Yes, it can. Not always but it can.
Relationship Sex Vs. One Night Stand Sex: What’s the Major Difference
When contrasting relationship vs one night stand, one thing should be considered. The format of one night stands is not for all. Some people can’t get the most out of extra-relationship sex. And it’s not a rare case when one or both partners stay unsatisfied with their hookup. In the fight relationship vs one night stand, you get more quality sex having it with your regular partner. Here are some benefits of relationship sex vs one night stand.
It’s more satisfying. Since you wait for it, the anticipation makes it more passionate. Also, you have time to discuss your sexual preferences thus making the process effective for both.
You’re more focused on pleasing the other partner. One night stand sex is about quenching your physical urges not thinking about the other partner’s needs. In a relationship, it’s different. You care about your partner, and your partner cares about you, and, as a result, you get more.
You can have it when you want. Well, you can get yourself a one night stand wherever you want too. However, it will take time to find the partner. Being in a relationship, you can have sex when you get excited.
You connect emotionally. When you make love with your regular partner, there is always an emotional aspect involved, which makes it more intimate.
Awkwardness is minimized. First of all, you don’t have to flee or find what to say in the morning. Secondly, you can talk what works for you better and adjust in the process.
After-sex cuddling. The post-coital stage is essential when you have a relationship sex. When you kiss and cuddle after sex, you show your love and tenderness thus deepening your connection.