10 Online Dating Tips on Writing the First Message


Online dating has arrived as an ultimate solution for those who suffer from busy working schedules. It is really hard to find time for real life dating, where from date to date you could slowly get to know each other. But you’re more likely to stay alone if you don’t date, thus people happily embraced online dating.

While online dating is not new to this world, not that much people are able to succeed in it. And the problem lies in online dating first message. With the multitude of girls on any dating service, men often forget that they created an account to find only one girl. Instead they are starting to send thousands of messages to all of the girls that they see, without a second thought about the quality of the their first message.

Why first message is so important in online dating? Because it’s like making the first impression on a girl in real life. And doing that, you definitely don’t want to look dumb. That’s why you need online dating tips on your first message.

dating online

5 dos of the first messages

When dating online, you never know whether the girl will enjoy a simple or a creative first message. Some like first messages to be witty, some like them funny, still you need to know online dating tips to get response from the girl.

1. Quality over quantity

As mentioned above, the multitude of girls on dating sites may easily spoil you, but instead of sending thousands of silly messages in hopes to get response at least from one of the girls, it is better to be picky. It would be ideal if you focus on one girl, still you can pick two or three. After you’ve choose whom you’d like to chat with, take your time to write a good first message. If you concentrate on the quality of your first message, rather than on quantity of girls you’re going to send it, you have great chances to find your perfect match.

2. Read her profile

Girls do like compliments, but when it comes to online dating, they are tired of compliments about their looks. Each day the get thousands of messages about how beautiful they are. You’ll catch their eye if your first message will contain some information from their profile. And girls profile is a list of conversational topics.Online-Dating-Is-Good

I think you’re a very interesting person, so I decided to text you…” than you can continue with question about your common interests, as it will prove that you did read her profile.

3. Start a conversation

Forget aboutWhat’s up?” and “How are you doing?”. If you want her to reply, you’d better ask some question that requires a more detailed answer than “Fine! You?”. If you read her profile you got all the information you need to ask her a proper question.

4. Keep it simple

Speaking about questions, it is better to keep them simple. Don’t ask her what does she thinks about the last Stephen Hawking’s book that she’s read. Say that you like the same stuff the she does, and then ask her how her weekend is going.

5. Keep it short

Your first message must introduce you and show your interest in her. A paragraph or two would be fine. If you write a long message, you may be coming on too strong. Keeping it short will leave her wanting more.

5 dont’s of the first message

Tips are fine, but we should also discuss typical mistakes that you should avoid when writing the first message to a girl. You need this list in case if you are new to online dating, if you’re not successful in in it, or if you just like flattering your ego.

1. Spelling and grammar mistakes

Although it may seem funny, it shouldn’t. A recent survey on Tinder showed that messages with grammar and spelling mistakes are mainly left without replies. If you are into online dating, you must get sure that your first text message to a girl doesn’t contain words like “luv”, “ur”, “cant”, “wat”, “realy”, “gal”, etc. It turns out that poor language, supported by bad spelling and grammar mistakes, serves as a huge turnoff for the girls. Besides, if your prospective girl is a foreigner she may just don’t get what you mean. So, avoid this turnoff by all costs.

2. Be careful when trying to be funny

There is a line between being funny and being creepy. These are the examples of the creepiest first messages in the history of online dating:

“I would like to lick your face like a dog”guy-online

Although, you might have meant that you like the girl very much, emphasizing on her beauty, but this message is more likely to stay without reply. The girl would think that you are creepy and you won’t get another chance.

“If you’re ready to be my wife, be ready that I like sleeping inside my women”

Maybe it is better to get to know the girl, at least a little, before making her proposal with such benefits? Oh, and once again, this is creepy and not funny. Be ready for gallows of jokes in the reply.

“Do you like creampies?”

Straight-forwardness is actually nice, but don’t expect to have a straight-forward reply, because there won’t be any.

3. Don’t talk too much

Although, your first message is not a cover-letter for a job position. If you pour down all your biography the girl will think that you are madly in love…with yourself. Or even if she won’t think this way, you leave a small possibility for a normal conversation where you can get to know each other better.

4. Don’t use excuses

“I’m having a boring day, so I decided to text you”

Finding an excuse to text someone is definitely not one of the best first messages in online dating. First of all, the “excuse” would be obvious to her. Secondly, you really need an excuse to text the girl you liked? How she needs to feel about that? Starting from the compliments about her profile picture would be way better.

5. Don’t try to be somebody else

It is very important to be yourself when writing the first message to send to a girl online. Although, it may catch her attention, but your further chatting will reveal who you really are, and she may get disappointed. That’s why you need to be yourself when texting her.

Knowing dos and don’ts will make your online dating much easier. Great first message leads to successful online dating, which leads to the successful continuation offline.


  1. Once, I came up with about 3 pages of text based on the TITLE to her self-description in the profile. I thought she would be surprised with such sweet words. I thought I was making a dialogue but all I was making was a lady scared.

  2. First message is really the most important part of online communication! At least, I think so. There are also a lot of articles about conversation starters, I guess those must be really useful. Great blog post BTW!

  3. It really annoys me when guys double message at the beginning of the conversation. Like, I know you sent me a message, Mike, I heard the notification! I just don’t answer instantly cuz I’ve got things to do (or, frankly, just don’t want to deal with it right now). They come off as obtrusive, which is really not that attractive.

  4. why do we have to pay so much attention to the first message? like, don’t they say that we should give people time to open their heart and soul to someone else, you seem like an exhibitionist when you tell everything about yourself in the very first conversation. yeah I know, the right rails and stuff, but girls cut us some slack!

Leave a Response